If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
