Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
