i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Hippo gnu deer
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
