My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
