A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize