Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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