The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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