Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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