Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
