I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
