my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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