He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
