Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
