definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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