He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
