dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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