Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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