Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
