her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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