Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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