Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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