I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
