God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
false alarm. still invincible.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
