a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
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