when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
