then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
