Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
