Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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