someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
