i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
