My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
people are starting to question the shark bite story
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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