also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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