Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Randomize
