My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
