I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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