Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Randomize
