i think i have two assholes
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
