I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize