i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
