i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
