I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
