he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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