he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
