What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
