O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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