Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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