For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
