Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
