it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
