I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
