I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
