They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize