I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
