He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Ketchup is God's man juice
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
