can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
