I think I am morally bankrupt
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i will never coherently bang her
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
