Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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